Time to smack to ideas together. Daniel Goleman’s Working with Emotional Intelligence highlighted bright people with lacking careers because they focused on their intellectual strengths and did not develop their social skills.  Mr. Goleman recommendation was people improve their ability to self-assess to learn where they needed to improve the most to be successful.  The United States Marine Corps has an interest to ensure they train their personnel to the highest standards of leadership. Leadership is so important to Marines they have twice the leadership traits they instill in their troops than the Army. Fourteen in JJ DID TIE BUCKLE to seven in LDRSHIP.  Some traits are more recognizable and used than others.  Integrity made to both the Marines and Army lists and is in Emotional Intelligence within the definition of trustworthiness. 

Controversial statement: the average person does not want to be emotionally intelligent and they don’t want to act with integrity.  The average person wants think of excuses they are comfortable with to justify their lack of emotional intelligence. They want to make excuses for their lack of integrity.  The average person plans their life so they can display less emotional intelligence and integrity when they have enough power.

One of the main refrains for this blog is that self-improvement for the sake of self-improvement is worth it. It cost an additional $0.0 these days for people to have access to the wealth of information related to self-improvement. Learning to be more emotionally intelligent and improving our ability to be a parent-as-leader takes some time and effort. But in the long run takes less effort be a good parent than a bad parent.

Goal Setting

It is especially hard trying to get people to improve on “soft” skills.  Both coaches and mentors push people further than they think they could go by themselves. But it is easier set goals as an athletic coach.  A  power lifting coach can point to a chart[2] and show a lifter could reasonably bench 275lbs. A woman looking to run her first 5k can target a hour run time of an hour and find out she is faster than 40 percent of people in her age group.[3] A collage basketball aspirant can see the average mile run time of college level ballers is 5:40[4]. The mentor has a bit more difficulty.

The goal I am metaphorically trying to reach is to tell people that they can reach that run time.  Or they can put up that bench personal record.  More literally the goal I am setting is for women to have the same level of excitement in improving their “personal” emotional intelligence as they do their “professional” emotional intelligence.  Otherwise, they have a manifest lack of integrity.  I’ll explain more after some examples. 

Scoring Self-Assessment and Integrity

I argue that we should score someone’s emotional intelligences where they show the least amount of emotional intelligence.  We should not look at a high functioning person at work but low functioning their personal relationship and average their scores.  Nor should we score emotional intelligence based where someone has the most strengths. That behavior was a main reason Mr. Goleman began his work on emotional intelligence. It stunts their growth. Unfortunately, deeply imbedded into society is the division between professional and personal morality. People end up adopting personas a where one persona is the good persona and the other is bad. 

Big 5 Framework for Understanding Emotions

The Big Five personality framework is useful for defining the emotions we want to look at for emotional Awareness and Self-Assessment. We are looking to sell-asses on measures of positive emotions and negative emotions/neuroticism. Neuroticism is a Big 5 Domain with the six sub-facets. It is scored by how often or intensily someone feels these negative emotions or how resistive they are to feeling them.

• Anxiety
• Insecurity
• Immoderation
• Vulnerability
• Self-consciousness
• Depressivity

Positive emotion is a sub-facet of Agreeableness in the Big 5 Personality framework and is not broken down into sub-facets. It is usually defined in terms like happiness, excitement, joy, hope, and inspiration.

Somone can be highly emotional in both positive and negative emotions. Someone else could score lowly in both positive and negative emotions. Or for them to feel one more intensely than the other. We are looking for discrepancies in emotions that people feel using their skills on family compared to work. The bigger that gap the more someone lacks emotional intelligence.

Many people are fine with this gap as it serves their materialistic and status-based wants. They are fine overlooking other people’s lack of integrity if they receive the same service. They all agree not to snitch. This is an anti-social tendency of society that get embedded into our expectations very early in life. By looking at how these anti-social values get imbedded in society and then propagate we can start looking for remedies. We can achieve our goal of women having the same level of excitement in improving their “personal” emotional intelligence as they do their “professional” emotional intelligence.

The Ultimate goal

Part of the goal is to set up a virtuous cycle/positive feedback loop people and society.

• People self-identify as caring and loving improve their self-assessment, emotional intelligence and integrity
• Likewise, people that view themselves as having integrity reassess where they need to improve their emotional intelligence skills.
• Both groups improve their knowledge of what it is to be caring and loving in practice
• Those people become regenerate role models and mentor to other people in their generation
• Degenerate behavior and charismatic criminals become more repugnant and are motivated to change
• As it becomes more socially expensive to be degenerate less people chose to be degenerate
• There are now more regenerate role models than negative role models and the cycle iterates.

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Leaders are not born: they are made.  This work assumes that parents lead the family and handle their children’s development just like a sergeant is responsible for the development of his Marines.  Below is the fourteen Marine Corps Leadership Traits as they occur in the original.  I have added them into the glossary as being modified for parents.  These traits can guide parents in their self-improvement as leaders of their families. As I develop blog posts focused on each trait, I will update this page with the top articles for review.

These complement the Marine Corps Leadership Principles and are used to supplement our articles on Emotional Intelligence. Another major focus of the blog will be considering the Thinking Errors & Tactics to Avoid Change that stop people from developing their leadership traits.

The acronym to recall the traits is: JJ DID TIE BUCKLE

Justice

Definition: Justice is defined as the practice of being fair and consistent. A just person gives consideration to each side of a situation and bases rewards or punishments on merit.

Suggestions for Improvement: Be honest with yourself about why you make a particular decision. Avoid favoritism. Try to be fair at all times and treat all things and people in an equal manner.

Judgement

Definition: Judgment is your ability to think about things clearly, calmly, and in an orderly fashion so that you can make good decisions.

Suggestions for Improvement: You can improve your judgment if you avoid making rash decisions. Approach problems with a common sense attitude.

Dependability

Definition: Dependability means that you can be relied upon to perform your duties properly. It means that you can be trusted to complete a job. It is the willing and voluntary support of the policies and orders of the chain of command. Dependability also means consistently putting forth your best effort in an attempt to achieve the highest standards of performance.

Suggestions for Improvement You can increase your dependability by forming the habit of being where you’re supposed to be on time, by not making excuses and by carrying out every task to the best of your ability regardless of whether you like it or agree with it.

Initiative

Definition: Initiative is taking action even though you haven’t been given orders. It means meeting new and unexpected situations with prompt action. It includes using resourcefulness to get something done without the normal material or methods being available to you.

Suggestions for Improvement: To improve your initiative, work on staying mentally and physically alert. Be aware of things that need to be done and then to do them without having to be told.

Decisiveness

Definition: Decisiveness means that you are able to make good decisions without delay. Get all the facts and weight them against each other. By acting calmly and quickly, you should arrive at a sound decision. You announce your decisions in a clear, firm, professional manner.

Suggestions for Improvement: Practice being positive in your actions instead of acting half-heartedly or changing your mind on an issue.

Tact

Definition: Tact means that you can deal with people in a manner that will maintain good relations and avoid problems. It means that you are polite, calm, and firm.

Suggestions for Improvement: Begin to develop your tact by trying to be courteous and cheerful at all times. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

Integrity

Definition: Integrity means that you are honest and truthful in what you say or do. You put honesty, sense of duty, and sound moral principles above all else.

Suggestions for Improvement: Be absolutely honest and truthful at all times. Stand up for what you believe to be right.

Enthusiasm

Definition: Enthusiasm is defined as a sincere interest and exuberance in the performance of your duties. If you are enthusiastic, you are optimistic, cheerful, and willing to accept the challenges.

Suggestions for Improvement: Understanding and belief in your mission will add to your enthusiasm for your job. Try to understand why even uninteresting jobs must be done.

Bearing

Definition: Bearing is the way you conduct and carry yourself. Your manner should reflect alertness, competence, confidence, and control.

Suggestions for Improvement: To develop bearing, you should hold yourself to the highest standards of personal conduct. Never be content with meeting only the minimum requirements.

Unselfishness

Definition: Unselfishness means that you avoid making yourself comfortable at the expense of others. Be considerate of others. Give credit to those who deserve it.

Suggestions for Improvement: Avoid using your position or rank for personal gain, safety, or pleasure at the expensive of others. Be considerate of others.

Courage

Definition: Courage is what allows you to remain calm while recognizing fear. Moral courage means having the inner strength to stand up for what is right and to accept blame when something is your fault. Physical courage means that you can continue to function effectively when there is physical danger present.

Suggestions for Improvement: You can begin to control fear by practicing self-discipline and calmness. If you fear doing certain things required in your daily life, force yourself to do them until you can control your reaction.

Knowledge

Definition: Knowledge is the understanding of a science or art. Knowledge means that you have acquired information and that you understand people. Your knowledge should be broad, and in addition to knowing your job, you should know your unit’s policies and keep up with current events.

Suggestions for Improvement: Suggestions for Improvement: Increase your knowledge by remaining alert. Listen, observe, and find out about things you don’t understand. Study field manuals and other military literature.

Loyalty

Definition: Loyalty means that you are devoted to your country, the Corps, and to your seniors, peers, and subordinates. The motto of our Corps is Semper Fidelis!, (Always Faithful). You owe unwavering loyalty up and down the chain of command, to seniors, subordinates, and peers.

Suggestions for Improvement: To improve your loyalty you should show your loyalty by never discussing the problems of the Marine Corps or your unit with outsiders. Never talk about seniors unfavorably in front of your subordinates. Once a decision is made and the order is given to execute it, carry out that order willingly as if it were your own.

Endurance

Definition: Endurance is the mental and physical stamina that is measured by your ability to withstand pain, fatigue, stress, and hardship. For example, enduring pain during a conditioning march in order to improve stamina is crucial in the development of leadership.

Suggestions for Improvement: Develop your endurance by engaging in physical training that will strengthen your body. Finish every task to the best of your ability by forcing yourself to continue when you are physically tired and your mind is sluggish.

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