Many key concepts are important enough they are worth repeating but I don’t want to write them into ever post. Below are the concepts that are in the back of my head every time I write.  I won’t incorporate concept into every post because cause of how burdensome it would be to write. Even worse, how burdensome would it be to read that? I am wordy as it is and am constantly trying to make sure I don’t ramble.

Generational Problems in Happiness Need Generational Solutions

It is not possible society will change overnight.  There are too many stakeholders in the Maternal Neglect Industry for it to be so easy. It is going to take a lot of effort to go against the Maternal Neglect Industry.  As someone who in juvenile corrections I am part of the Maternal Neglect Industry.  There here are many people like me that would love to “work ourselves out of a job.”  There are other stake holders that would never admit this openly, but they thrive off the Maternal Neglect Industry and will resist generational solutions to happiness.

It has taken generations for feminist to degrade the standards of motherhood the point they are now.  It will take at least a generation to get society sorted out.  Hopefully there will be a snowball effect in reaching our generational solution.  But we have to get the ball rolling before we can see.

Too late to make changes for your children? Make changes for grandchildren

Many people may read this work and see its validity.  They want to apply it to their lives but think they cannot take action.  Their kid are too old.  A woman who used neglectful amounts of non-maternal day care never make that up to them directly. The damage is already done.  You can still make changes. You can admit your short comings and try to pass this knowledge onto your family.  Then take steps to help them to be caring and loving.  You can tell people men are not sexist for only considering caring and loving woman as potential partners.  If your daughters cannot afford to stay at home during their children’s tender years you could see how you can support them.

The Goal of “Not Being Bad” is a valid step on the way to being “Good”

Many people are raised with personal or cultural values that once they evaluate them don’t really make sense.  They may have mistaken good for bad and bad for good. They may have decades of bad habits to unlearn once they learn how damaging they were to themselves and others.  Sometimes the first valid step someone can take when they realize they confused good and bad is to stop being bad.

Based off my experience working with troubled teens often the stress of “being good” while  learning new habits is severe.  For many people interested in change it is ok to take the intermediate step of “not being bad.”  I have seen this with kids from families that were generational “gang bangers.” They don’t want the street life for themselves or their children.  They cannot save their whole family but they can hopefully break the cycle of generational incarceration for their children. But all of the anger, trauma, and bad habits of being raised by anti-social parents is still with them.  Being good for them is like tensing a muscle until it cramps.  By transitioning them through a period of “not being bad” or letting them know that any break they take from being good has to stop at “not being bad” is really helpful for them.

Loving and Caring Parents Love their Children before they are even conceived

There are a lot of emotional competencies that people can learn through life.  All of the emotional competences people learn at school, work, or doing sports are portable to being a parent.  You just have to see being a caring and loving parent as being important enough to use those skills.

Part of being a good prospective parent is getting ahead of bad habits.  People are fantastically capable of creating bad habits and struggle greatly at forming new habits.  Often the motivation to improve comes tied together with a painful life lesson.  Unfortunately painful life lessons doesn’t remove someone’s bad habits.  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure when it comes to not developing bad habits. The more you view the bad habits as potentially having a worsening domino affect the better off you will be as a parent.  You can’t be stressed out by having too much debt if you avoid bad spending habits.  You won’t have problems maintaining a relationship if you have  not had to much practice breaking up.

Birds of a Feather Flock Together: Mildly Abusive and Neglectful Mothers will Defend Severely Abusive and Neglectful Mothers

Why is it when someone tries to improve society for the better they are often attacked from multiple angles?  One would understand why severely abusive and neglectful women would be hostile to the work.   But why is there likely to be more outrage, misrepresentation and rejection than acceptances of a free cure to declining happiness? Simply put, birds of a feather flock together.  The smallest duck and the largest duck fly in the same formation when they migrate south for winter.  In the same manner, women that are mildly abusive and neglectful instinctually defend women that are severely Abusive and Neglectful.  The first line of defense for these people is defending behavior that is worse than their behavior. 

You see behavior all over the place.  A high functioning alcoholic would make excuses for a low functioning alcoholic.  Someone that is somewhat tardy to work will make excuses for someone that is chronically tardy.  Someone that has poor boundaries in relationships makes excuses for cheaters. Below is a great explanation of how mild narcissists will cover for other more severe narcissists.

There are a lot of broken homes in the modern world with plenty of men to blame as well. If this work actualizes women’s harmful behavior women what happens if society turns its eye to behavior that these men harmful behaviors? Abusive and neglectful men will also defend maternal abuse and neglect.

Perhaps the saddest group of people that would attack this work are the host of men and women that may want to do well, to be caring and loving, but they functionally have Stockholm Syndrome and will come to the aid of Abusive and Neglectful people.

Motherhood Is Not Graded On A Bell Curve

Motherhood isn’t graded on a bell curve.  A mother making reckless decisions that lead to her children having even one ACE they could have reasonably prevented should consider herself as failing at motherhood.  Same with the men reading this and fatherhood.  If you raise your children to be ACES 0 your score is a C.  A 2.0 GPA.

If a woman reviews the Adverse Childhood Experiences and think “some of these ACES are very bad, of course, but some are not so bad.”  “How can these ones be bad when they are so common? … a lot of women do them so I am not a bad mom if I do them.”  Wrong. I am going to be blunt.  If someone reads this work and tries to excuse or justify thoughts or actions that contribute to their children having even one ACE score then that person is needs to deeply evaluate themselves, their morality, and their ability to be loving. ACES should be ALRP: As Low as Reasonably Posible. But lack of commitment isn’t reasonable. Lack of emotional intelligence isn’t reasonable.  Women that role model motherhood in the modern area help us define what reasonable is, not feckless women.

Even worse are parents that will take this knowledge, plan on “failing” the course but try and shift the blame to others for their failure. Being a good parent becomes part of some evil chess game to take their children “hostage” to demand ransom.  “Single parenthood is bad: do this or I will divorce you” says this kind of woman as she becomes less agreeable and conscientious and more Abusive and Neglectful every year.  Any hostage taking is an F for that parent.

Abuse and Neglect are not culturally defined

Abusive and neglect rewrite the human brain.  That does not stop just because a culture thinks it is ok.  Women cannot get together and decide “single motherhood isn’t harmful anymore” when the ACES research shows something is an adverse experience.  They can’t decide when a mom beats her kid it isn’t traumatic but when a dad does it is definitely bad.  Women can’t decide that their codependent sabotage, emotional incest or literal incest isn’t harmful either.  Women lack the ability to factually redefine abuse and neglect as “progress.”

If someone accused you of being a good mother would there be enough evidence to convict you?

A concept I learned in the military takes the Norman Legal system traditions and flips it on its head.  The legal system assumes people to be innocent until proven guilty.  Prosecutors have to prove  guilt “beyond reasonable doubt”.  But how would you behave if you had to prove you were “good” beyond a reasonable doubt?  That change in assumption complete rewrites your value system. Obviously, this would be an awful way for governments to investigate crimes but it is a very useful concept. 

If someone accused you of being a Caring and Loving Mother would there be enough evidence to convict you?  If someone accused your mother or wife of being Caring and Loving could you prove it beyond a reasonable doubt?  How would you behave if you wanted to be convicted of being a good parent?  Few thoughts have helped me more in life than wanting to be convicted of being a good father. Or being a good coworker. Or just being convicted of being good.

Figure 4 Inspiration for this Concept “If you were accused of being a Marine… Would there be enough evidence to convict you” morale Poster

Levels of Guilt

For a rough outline what it would take to convict a woman of being a Caring and Loving Mother let’s look at some legalese[1]:

• Reasonable Suspicion:  The lowest level of certainty that you are a good mother. If there is reason to believe that your kids are going maintain an ACE 0 until they reach 19 years old then you start right here.
• Probable Cause:  A middling level of certainty that you are a Caring and Loving Mother.  Your children appear healthy, not obese and no sign of stress eating.  They display good teamwork with their classmates.  They  on track or ahead of their peers when it comes to reaching behavioral milestones.  They are also ahead of their peers about their Moral Reasoning.  They don’t engage in high-risk behaviors that would increase their own Children to their own children having
• Beyond a Reasonable Doubt:  Your children have reached it to 19 with an ACE of 0.  Further that any grandchildren also were raised as ACE 0.

Some notes: Having a parent with a mental illness like depression gives a kid a score of ACES 1.  This work does not propose self-eugenics where you take yourself out of the mating pool.  But if you have PTSD or depression you have an obligation to do what you can to mitigate the secondary trauma to your spouse and your children.  You should do your best to have your children have an ACE capped at 1 and your grandchildren would have an ACE of Zero.

We cannot address maternal Abuse and Neglect without discussing how these women behave with the men in their lives.

It literally is impossible for a woman to be a Abusive and Neglectful partner and still be a good mother.  The idea that is even possible is mental gymnastics of the worst kind and uses the super optimism thinking error.  If you happen to observe a woman that is Abusive and Neglectful to the men in her live you can assume she is getting away with worse in private. Assuming that women can behave narcissistically or psychopathically with men but not their children borders on insane.

Foundational Facts are often dismissed as being overly simple

There are some things that are foundationally true.  When people learn a fundamental truth they don’t like they often try and find some way to undermine that fundamental truth as overly simplistic.  They then try and complicate the matter so they can get the understanding they want.  For example, it is fundamentally true that the mother-child bond during the tender years is incredibly important for the child’s outcomes later in life.  When women want to have children but don’t want to be good mothers find out the fundamental truth they say, “It’s not so simple anymore because…..” and they list off a series of excuses like society “progressing”.

Women role models of good motherhood are a fundamental proof that these standards are doable.  They are often proof that good mothers are happier than bad mothers..  That is one of the main fundamental truths that Abusive and Neglectful women want to over-complicate.

Small Things Add up for both good and the bad

There is a concept in substance abuse and relapse called the Seemingly Unimportant Decision (SUDS).  A superficially innocent decision really was the smallest domino in a chain reaction into relapsing into substance abuse.  For us, SUDS are the decisions that start people down the road to abuse and neglect or cause them to relapse into that behavior.  There are a lot small  things that people should be aware of when it comes to abuse and neglect that what most people consider.

People that make a study out of how incentives work in the real world often point out a lot of perverse incentives and moral hazards before they occur. Less prudent people often doubt these insights before history proves them wrong later.  People with an understanding of SUDS and perverse incentives seem like prophets when they predict abuse and corruption.

Women could achieve more with less stress if they do things right.

We must overcome the Overton Window to be more caring and loving

The Overton Window (aka the Window of Discourse)  determines what is acceptable to discuss as policy or law within a society or culture.  What the Overton window covers and what ranges from policy to unthinkable can vary widely over time and culture.  When discussing Maternal Abuse and Neglect there are good and bad actors acting on the range of the Overton window. 

The Flock of Abusive and Neglectful women strive to make sure policy recommendations that empower Abusive and Neglectful women remain policy .  They may pretend that they don’t know the policies they are recommending have a lot perverse incentive when they benefit women, but they definitely do see the “perverse incentive” of giving men the same legal privileges as women.

They do not use open and honest communication to do this.  Rather, they use the basest of rhetoric, lies, deception, logic fallacies and the like.  Aside from the deeply abused and neglected children modern society creates perhaps the saddest casualty of the Overton Window being moved so far to the left is modern women who think they are actually doing a good job.  There are many women that think it is radical or unthinkable that they should be a stay-at-home mother during their child tender years and they are actually doing a good job role modeling independence.

The modern woman with the modern Overton window responds with misguided anger when someone tries to mentor her.  Because she is factually wrong though, that unjustified anger is abusive. 

People intentionally misunderstand Averages and Empirical Generalizations

There is something about averages outcomes and people that make people forget almost everything they have been taught about logic and statistics.  If you point out the average man is taller than the average woman many people can accept that without issue.  Sure, there may be an tall woman that is taller than the average man.   There are plenty of men that is shorter than the average woman.  We know this due to how unempathetic and cruel women are in mocking short men. All this happens without genetic disorders or stunted growth from malnutrition. 

The problems occur when we discuss averages around painful truths.  If we talk about the average adversity someone with a high ACE score has the flock will instinctually look for the outlier.  They want to focus on the highly functional high ACE person.  Also, some people engage in high-risk behaviors and then go on to have ACE 0 kids.  But the average person is not a outlier and not everyone can overcome their risk factors.  You are Super optimistic to seek out high- risk behaviors and not expect some of the negative effects of them.

A woman with a high-risk history should expect to be treated as high risk.  That means that she is less viable as a future wife and mother than a woman that was prudent.  Failure to understand that very simple conclusion is often combined with some serious grandiose thinking and is a literal sign of psychopathy.

Schools should teach research into Maternal Neglect before Jr High school

Emotional competencies are the personal and social skills that we use to regulate ourselves and work with other people.  They can help people be successful in their personal lives as well as their professional lives.  Boy and girls should learn the framework before they are out of elementary school.  Girls receive a gender responsive education to prepare them to be caring and loving mothers that avoid neglectful and abusive behaviors.  Boys should receive the same.

Emotional Competencies are Portable Skills and should be taught at a young age

Emotional Competencies are the personal and social skills that make people more successful in organizations and relationships so they can have more successful careers.  Guess what?  The family structure is also an organization with relationships and being parent is a lifelong job. Even having someone is divorced being a co-parent is often a lifelong relationship.  The portable skills that were taught to young ladies in Jr. High and High School years ago are the same skills it takes to undertake successful client management for a large account holder in a multinational firm.

The emotional competencies should be taught at a young age with as much focus on being successful in one’s personal relationships as it is being successful in one’s professional relationships.  The education should be gender responsive to teach girls how to be caring and loving wives and mothers.  Likewise, boys to be caring and loving fathers and husbands.  Part of this education is a clear understanding that emotional intelligent people are not selfish, abusive or neglectful.

Gender Informed and Gender Responsive is a sham if it does not include responsivity to boys and masculinity

Most of the “gender responsive” stuff out there is a sham.  It is actually hostile to boy because it is run by ideologically possessed women.  It is also harmful to girls because the same group of women teach girls deeply anti-social values and expectation.  Most of the truly gender responsive work is opposed by the current ideologues.  It is outside their Overton window so they try to make it outside your Overton window.  The opposition to sex segregated education to help facilitate gender responsive education shows this.

 Teaching the research about maternal abuse and neglect is deeply gender informed and responsive.  In a gender responsive world we talk about toxic femininity.  We educate boys to recognize female psychopaths and narcissists and we teach girls to do the opposite behavior.  And we don’t let the people that taught the sham version of gender responsive get recertified to teach a new fair and balance curriculum.  We cannot trust them with our children.

We can’t look to existing organizations for help because they are staffed with Abusive and Neglectful Women

The American Psychological Association is filled with highly educated Abusive and Neglectful women. They lack the emotional intelligence to be good mothers because their thinking is anti-social.  Below is an article published by The American Psychology Association’s Division 35: The Psychology of Women.  You can clearly read that the authors adviser has worked full time and given birth to two children.  The author witnesses this mother struggling with sleep and wonders “why is it just accepted as a reality that mothers must struggle through.”

Instead of being an attentive and attached mother this advisor is neglecting her child.  Mommy would rather live the  “academic lifestyle”.  The mother is tired because she chose to be.  The author does not suggest her advisor has misplaced goals. She does not recommend she improve her ability to manage bed time. This mother is 100% responsible for her own lack of sleep and being overworked.  She is the one putting her child’s heath at risk because she is living the academic life. Feminist literature is filled with women complaining that neglecting their children is so hard on them, (and not the child).

In the terms of Hammerstein-Equord these organizations are filled with Hard-Working and stupid people.  Those are the  worst people you want to have around.  The advisor isn’t “smart” enough to be a stay-at-home mom during her children’s tender years.  Very likely the advisor morally balance her maternal Abuse and Neglect by pointing to the good work she does.  The advisor, her child, and society would be better off if the advisor was smart and lazy.

Politics and Organizational Theory

Maternal Abuse and Neglect does not exist in a vacuum.  These Women, vote sit on juries, staff schools and government agencies, and hold public office.  In all of these capabilities they advance their agenda.  They shape public policy and work to shift the Overton Window away from discussing the root causes of maternal abuse and neglect: women’s individual choices.  These women also shift the Overton window away from effective solutions to abuse and neglect.  The most important solution being unilateral self-improvement of women as wives and mothers.

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[1] “Articulating precisely what ‘reasonable suspicion’ and ‘probable cause’ mean is not possible. They are commonsense, non-technical conceptions that deal with the factual and practical considerations of everyday life on which reasonable and prudent men, not legal technicians, act. As such, the standards are not readily, or even usefully, reduced to a neat set of legal rules.” (Ornelas v. U.S.)