Summarizing How Narcissists Act Towards Research Supporting Maternal Neglect and via Excessive Daycare

Arrested Development

We have known how and why daycare is bad for generations now.  Mothers have to provide both care in quality and quantity in order to have well adjusted children.  Due to the narcissistic woman’s arrested development she wants attention and affection on her terms.  She desires praise for giving her care at the quality and quantities she determines appropriate. This remains true regardless of how they may fall short.  Due to her parasitic nature she is deeply resentful of any obligations to be caring and loving past what her grandiose definitions require.

A sign of narcissistic people’s arrested development is they are not mature enough to take care of another person without attention of financial reward.   Rather than provide that care they use a host of immature techniques to get out of their responsibilities. 

One important concept related to arrested development is narcissistic supply. Narcissistic people have a unhealthy desire for attention. They often prioritize public attention over private affection. In fact, maintaining a loving and reciprocal relationship is a burden to them due to their parasitical desires.

• Narcissists’ deficient self and inner resources make them dependent on other people to affirm their impaired self-esteem and fragile ego.
• Other people are used as objects in order to provide their supply.
• Like a parasite, no matter how much you give, it’s never enough to fill their emptiness and satisfy their hunger.
• If you feel drained and resentful, you’re probably not getting your needs met, and need to evaluate why and whether you set boundaries.

The Concept of Narcissistic Supply | Psychology Today

A typical example of woman wanting narcissistic supply: A 30-year-old woman that thinks it is “unfair” that she be a stay-at-home mom care of her young children. She is, however, willing to be a teacher to a class of students for pay, attention and power. Her social media posts with her school “family” are way more successful than her posts about her personal family. So “obviously” she spends more effort with her school family. She could also be a nurse, social worker, mental health clinician or do client management

Her willingness to neglect her children stands in stark opposition to her willingness to care for other people should the pay be right. She attempts to deny with excuses that are at their source very childish. Her willingness for accountability is the same as a toddler but she is more articulate and has decades of practice in being a charismatic criminal. Hordes of women join her to democratically justify their own neglect.

They want to be babied as well.

Splitting

Due to their ability to split everything that is “good” is within them and everything that is “bad” is outside of them.  When narcissistic mothers have to shift the blame for their neglect they are not above blaming mother nature for getting it wrong, fate for making them a woman, or whatever God or spirits they believe in for putting their soul in the wrong body or for making children so needy.

These emotional deadbeats find the expectation of providing care in the quality and quantity children need an oppressive burden.  For them it is a injustice of the modern age.  In this “progressive” world having an informed understanding of what appropriate maternal care is a “hate fact”.  It is therefore OK for her to hate people that know the “hate facts” about maternal neglect and daycare.  It becomes OK for the narcissist to lie about or sabotage them because the truth offends the narcissistic mother.

Even more vile, the more that a loving and caring father tries to get the emotional deadbeat to step up the more she becomes neglectful and abusive to her children as a way of punishing him.  This applies to all aspects of their relationship and includes the quality and quantity of care she gives.  Any effort to make her a better caregiver results in her becoming worse and worse.  She attempts to engage in counter-transference.  If he points out how her behavior is neglectful and abusive she gets worse towards the children and blames him.  She uses narcissistic splitting: he must be the neglectful and abusive one if he “makes her” behave this way.   What he does not yet understand:

Her children are a source of narcissistic supply to her and little more.

She views her lies as morally mandated

The narcissistic women has no problem dating a conscientious man and telling a host of lies. His conscientiousness tends towards the success she wants to parasitically attach herself too. She puts on a loving affect in part fueled by dupers delight. She glows when she sees the victim of her deception. Since she sees his expectations as oppressive she delights in setting a scheme to betray him. The narcissistic woman lies about her willingness to be a stay-at-home mother.  She seethes at any attempt the husband makes to have her keep her commitments. 

All of this deception is justified by her because she feels the burdens of motherhood are so unrealistic its ok to lie to get out of them. She does not consider herself a parasite or an emotional deadbeat because she feels entitled to a life of leisure that the conscientious man can and should provide. Narcissistic friends and choice feminists of all stripes defend her efforts to renegotiate the relationship on more “progressive” terms.

Double Binds

As always, the narcissistic woman can rely on double binds.  If someone explains research into daycare gently or briefly it is easy for her to deflect as being unimportant.  If the point is made directly she plays the victim for being assaulted or devalued because of her neglectful choices.  She breaks past the double bind by playing stupid and lying that she was confused by the different research.  She won’t point out she has spent more time planning vacations conducting than serious research into the matter. Actions speak louder than words and her actions show she cares little about her children compared to recreation.