Recent research has discovered a disastrous result for the physical and mental health of the modern world and child.  About half of children world are raised with an attachment disorder.  They do not have a secure attachment to their mothers.  That leads to insecure attachment with their fathers and broader society. This has disastrous long term implications for the rest of society.  Insecurely attached children are more likely to experience heath problems as well as victimize other people. 

Women that raise insecurely attached people are possibly raising the future criminals that will victimize responsible women’s children. Those children not lead astray are none the less set upon life as a very lonely and painful experience. They are behind in school, personal relationships, and the joy they should be experiences out of everyday life. The research into Adverse Childhood Experiences support this.

The first 20,000 strange situation procedures: A meta-analytic review. (apa.org)

How Many Children Are Securely Attached to Their Parents? | Psychology Today United Kingdom

• Children “attach” to their parents in one of four styles: secure, avoidant, resistant, or disorganized.
• A new meta-analysis investigated how common these attachment styles were across the globe.
• More than half of children (51.6%) showed secure attachment.
• Yet insecure attachment was common; 23.5% were disorganized, 14.7% avoidant, and 10.2% resistant.

As we can see from the chart below in about 50 years secure attachment has dropped from 66% to 50%. Any decline at all is a travesty. Any honest improvement in secure attachment is grounds for rejoicing.

Secure Attachment and a Trauma Informed Society

A primary motivation of this blog is to influence society to become more trauma informed. The biggest problem we turn a blind eye to is maternal neglect and abuse. To address this trauma, I turn to trauma the United States Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration. SAMSHA developed the Informed Care Trauma Informed Care framework. This framework has four “R”s that they believe a trauma informed organization tries to implement.  I have adjusted it slightly to address maternal abuse and neglect.

• Realize the widespread impact of maternal Abuse and neglect and understand potential paths for recovery;
• Recognizes the signs and symptoms of maternal abuse and neglect in clients, families, staf and others involved with the system;
• Responds by fully integrating knowledge about maternal abuse and neglect into policies, procedures and practices and seeks to actively
• Resist traumatization.

It should go without saying that an attachment disorder counts as an outcome of maternal abuse and neglect.  We cannot be an emotionally intelligent and trauma informed society if we don’t take a mature approach to addressing concerns with attachment disorder.

Secure attachment and the Adverse Childhood Experiences Survey

Foundational to both this blog and SAMSHA’s approach is to have people become more trauma informed.  Addressing maternal Neglect and attachment disorder ties directly into lowering children’s adverse childhood experiences.

This blog anchors its understanding of just how damaging neglectful and abusive motherhood is on the Adverse Childhood Experiences Survey.  Insecure attachment is directly linked to Question 4 of Adverse Childhood Experience.  Recall that each ACES is by itself co-equal.  Which means growing up feeling that no one your family loved you or thought you were important OR your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support one another is on par with witnessing domestic violence, the death of someone in the family, or being subjected to sexual abuse.

One of the goals of this blog is also to have as many men and women possible committed to society raising Children with a Adverse Childhood Experiences Survey score of Zero. Society should reach this goal without cunning and manipulative efforts to make the circumstances appear better than they truly are. In other words, no gaming the data or playing with definitions to make things look better or worse than they truly are.

How to nurture secure attachment

A primary source of secure attachment is created by both high quality and high quantity of maternal engagement.  A cold and dispassionate mother who is physically present fails her children as much as a mother who appears to be warm and engaged for the short time she is present.  Therefore it is a prospective mother’s duty before her child is even born to make sure she has the ability to be warm and present in her future child’s life.  Anything else is to be sociopathically  or narcissistically irresponsible.

This means that a prospective mother needs to be prepared to be a stay at home mother that does not provide an excessive amount of daycare. The threshold is incredibly low. For example, signs of an attachment disorder can be observed with as little as 10 hours a week of daycare for 15 month year old

This requires finical responsibility, picking a good father of her child(ren) and avoiding live events that would strip her warmth away.

Emotional Intelligence and Secure Attachment

For our use, the legitimate interests are creating a generation of children with an ACES score of zero. The organization we are focusing on is the family unit.  We cannot have a generation of chidlren with an ACES of zero if we don’t address attachment disorder. Since the family unit does not exist in a void we are also focusing on the societal forces that act upon people that justify high risk behavior that contribute to ACES.

Emotional intelligence is roughly separated into the personal skills (how we manage ourselves) and the social skills (how we manage others). These two skill domains help people make the decisions that contribute to being a beneficial member of an organization.  This blog compares and contrasts the emotional intelligence framework with the traits of psychopaths and narcissists.  Without shame or reservation I believe that the modern woman acts as a sociopath and narcissistic when it comes to their responsibilities of mothers.  To voice that a mother does not have to be warm and present when a child is in the tender years is to be an enemy of children everywhere.

Emotional Intelligence Personal Skills to address Attachment Disorder

The three categories of personal skills are

• Self-Awareness, Knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources and intuitions
• Self-regulation, Managing one’s internal impulses and resources and
• Motivation Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals

Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness is one of the most important Emotional Intelligence skills because it can help both those that think they are lacking in skills or those who are arrogant and believe they have skills they don’t really possess.  An accurate self-awareness completely eliminates narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies towards grandiosity or elitism.  Once a prospective mother has stripped away their pretentiousness and uniqueness they can work on being an actually loving and caring mother.

One the reason accurate self-assessment is important is people with poor social skills are unaware how they cause their own problems.  They engage in narcissistic splitting so believe the problems of the world exist outside of them. As such, they refuse to change for the better.  Their lack of accurate self-assessment is a cause of their own misery.  Failure to accurately self-asses can lend to parents finding websites like rejected parents once their kids estrange from them due to the parents unwillingness to change their narcissistic or sociopathic behavior.

Self-Regulation

Self regulation is what stops people from taking normal and healthy desires and motivations to a dangerous level.  Everyone wants attention, to be loved or respected. But when that desire becomes harmful the person becomes narcissistic.  When they are willing or excited to lie or enjoy reactive anger then the narcissistic is almost guaranteed.

Self-Regulation is what helps women develop their self-awareness.  If women hear about the behaviors that cause maternal neglect and abuse and their emotions run wild with shame or anger then they begin to lie or rage rather than work on themselves.  Without the proper self-regulation they can never adapt to being a loving and caring stay-at-home mother that does not use excessive daycare. If they don’t control the impulse to lie or rage then they will never develop trustworthiness or conscientiousness.  These negative emotions destroy the personality trait of openness and crush a woman’s emotional intelligence skills of adaptability and innovation.

A woman that lacks self-regulation also lacks the adaptability to transition to being a stay at home mother to her young child.  She lacked the foresight to plan a head and figure out what social network or activities she would need to be happy as she adapts to her new lifestyle.  The modern woman is almost completely lacking in the ability to make friends organically outside of work or school and so suffers intensely as she transitions into motherhood.  Often her pretentiousness and grandiosity stop her from enjoying routine activities that engage happy stay at home mothers. Without the proper quality and quantity of care her child becomes a likely sufferer of an attachment disorder.

Self-Motivation

The emotionally intelligent woman is 100% on board (commitment alignment) with the goal of society raising children with an ACES score of Zero.  This means she takes deliberate steps before her child is born to not engage in high risk behaviors. She likewise decided to avoid all intimate relationships with men that are at a high risk of being a bad fathers.

Her commitment is to her family, her children and her husband. She spends her initiative with optimism in building her family into the most resilient structure that she can

Social Skills (how we mange relationships)

Perhaps the most important social skill the modern woman needs to learn is how to not devalue the men in her life.  We cannot address maternal abuse and neglect without addressing how women treat the men in their lives. It is a common feminist refrain that the modern woman needs a man like a fish need a bicycle.

Having divorced or separated parents before the age of 18 gives a child an ACES score that could be avoided with a more emotionally intelligent woman. Any regenerate woman knows that we can address adverse childhood experiences by strengthening the family.

But there is a macro trend in women to devalue and discard men.  The chose of those words is intentional because it is part of the Narcissistic relationship cycle of Idealize->Devalue->Discard->Hover.

The idea that women can exist without men is pure mental illness.  They certainly cannot exist financially. Women are net negative contributors to social programs, taking out way more than they put in. (This article author supposes that situation is justified, I do not. We differ on support for gender roles and the importance in income quality).  What happens when a abused boy stops his mother from beating him?  Men have to arrest the poor boy for defending himself and protect the neglectful and abusive mother. 

A woman that cannot maintain a relationship with her husband is at a complete lack to maintain a relationship with her children.  It is not like she can isolate her emotional intelligence to just the men in her life and not inflict the same abuses and neglects upon her children.  That is fantastical thinking. Without the willingness to securely attach to her husband the modern women shows her careless attitude to her future child’s potential attachment disorder.

Empathy

This atrocious behavior by modern woman is a violation and inversion of the Emotional Intelligence social skills of leveraging diversity and service orientation.  Few things are as diverse as man and woman, father and mother, and for women to devalue masculinity is as emotionally intelligent an act as one could imaging. Women trying to mimic the role of men shows the lack of empathy that creates a attachment disorder.

The emotional intelligent alternative to devaluing men is to develop others and leverage the diversity of men and women.  Women cannot do this without accurate self-assessment but also understanding others.  Whenever you see a woman not understanding why a man would want a caring and loving woman over any other achievement or characteristic you know that this woman does not understand how a good man wants a good woman as the father of his children.

Pray consider an application of Service Orientation.  What is the sociopathic or narcissistic opposite of a service orientation?  Having a parasitic lifestyle.  The emotional intelligence framework places service orientation within the social skills but there is also a financial component to this.  A woman that can raise a family that is a benefit to society emotionally and financially is more emotionally intelligent that a woman that raises children that are a burden to society emotionally or financially.

A woman that can have children in stable relationships that don’t need social support are superior into the emotional intelligence than a woman that has a instable relationship on public assistance.  The woman on public assistance with unstable relationships has no empathy or emotional awareness for the people that she parasitically lives off.  She is completely unwilling to admit that she could have made more prudent life decisions.  Her narcissistic entitlement and commitment to personal irresponsibility gets in the way of her empathy.

Somebody need to pay for my 15 kids – YouTube

Social Adeptness

Front and center to the issue of attachment disorder is the emotional adeptness skill of building bonds.  A mother that places her kids in excessive day care or provides low quality maternal care (not engaging the kids warmly) is not building bonds with her child.  Often women that are unwilling to bond with the fruit of their own womb are also deficient in bonding with the father of their children. They are often resentful of the conflict management skills required to be successful in a relationship, such as admitting when they are the abusive or neglectful party. 

Here is a hint: if you are a woman and think it is OK for a mother of a toddler to provide more than 20 hours of non-maternal daycare you are a neglectful and abusive woman.  You are an enemy to children everywhere .  You are an enemy to responsible men everywhere.  This is true whether you have children or not. To not oppose maternal neglect and abuse is to improperly use ones influence.  Narcissistic people are often the source of their own pain and struggles.  Due to narcissistic entitlement, irresponsible behavior and lack of guilt they  don’t understand why people don’t appreciate them as much as the narcissist thinks they deserve.

Modern Women and Accurate Self Assessment

There are hordes of women that think it is OK for women to neglect their children. These women are completely confused when men don’t appreciate them.  Or why after giving their children an attachment disorder they become estranged from them. These narcissistic women look at professional or educational achievements they think make them an elite partner or a catch and don’t realize what they are proud of is their red flags.  Emotionally intelligent men wonder “If she openly supports neglecting children how will she treat me.” These women lack the empathy to understand how accurately these men see into their hearts and souls. “Why did my mom give her best to her job and give me the scraps” is a question that plagues their children.

Because these women’s accurate self-assessment is off they are completely unable to have any social adeptness. These women wield their influence for the wrong things.  They display “leadership” in propagating neglect and abuse.  They have used their energy to be a change catalyst for evil instead of good.  Their team capabilities are developing neglectful and abusive women just like them.  Due to their reactive anger, they use a host of emotionally unintelligent communication techniques.

These include

• double binds
• deliberate misunderstanding (playing stupid)
• false confessions,
• the tactic of attack, and
• building up oneself as a good person.

These women somehow think they are effective communicators and in the moral right.

Conclusions and Hard Conversations

Let me be blunter than normal.  The average woman doesn’t really care that she neglects her children.  Her children are a source of narcissistic supply to her and nothing more.  She cares if she is found out and loses some public esteem.  She cares if her children don’t give her the attention she wants (but does not deserve).  The problem of insecure attachment would be so bad if the average woman gave a damn about her children.  The average woman plays stupid and pretends that the research into maternal neglect and abuse is too hard to understand.  She is repulsed by maternal role models that show intact marriages with stay at home mothers. Likewise she finds repugnant home school moms (no matter how polite she superfically seems).  She sees responsibility to her children and a husband as oppression.

Men

Men, you have to understand that if you see a woman that thinks it is OK for a woman to be a working mother in the child tender years she isn’t even pretending to care about children.  She is in a state of arrested development.  A mother that can’t be a stay at home mother is less than a wild dog. Below we see a African wild dog that is a stay-at-home mother that, even though annoyed by her pups neediness, always remains nearby. No attchment disorders for these puppers.

African Wild Dog Mom Needs a Break from Pups – YouTube

Women

I hope you understand that as more time goes on more men see you for what you really are.  And as you get worse as a sex less men are willing to voluntarily put up with you.  And as your children get older they will be able to see you for what you are as well.  If you don’t rip the narcissism and sociopathy out of your soul you will end up exactly where you deserve. Many of you will be looking for websites like rejectedparents.com to provide your echo chamber. Or you will be looking for grief counseling due to the early death of your children.

Adult Children of toxic mothers

To the children of these narcissistic and sociopathic women I have some bad news.  The existing structures that would treat you are completely part of the maternal abuse and neglect industry. Men concerned about maternal abuse and neglect may be accused of wanting to control women’s bodies. This slander follows disclaimers by people alleding they oppose all forms of abuse and neglect.  Mental health professionals will slanderer you while you seek support due to the trauma you received at the hand of toxic women.  If you are a woman, you risk of being told you have internalized misogyny. Or you have been brainwashed into accepting toxic masculinity . This will come from professional woman you ask for knowledge on how to actually avoid giving your children an attachment disorder.